I’m sitting all by myself tonight. There’s music playing in my laptop. I think I might get pasta for dinner. It’s cold as hell in here. I’m all cuddled up in my throw. Get the picture? Feels like I’m reliving my K.C life, all over again. Only difference is I’m in Pune and I love love love this feeling of being alone after a long time! :)
This has been a very interesting month – I started working, again and honestly, that has helped me keep a check on my sanity. I’m so thankful to “AM” who is my guardian angel! :) The weekdays have been super busy and weekends are for parents, friends and the likes. So, you get the drift, right? Life became very routine and boring BUT peaceful, nonetheless!
And then of course he came to the country. And just one mere sms from him, and I was a basketcase! Well, I think he may be engaged now! Said he was to be, at least. I don’t know! But I solemnly swear this would be the very last post that I mention the boy. And so please let me say all I want, just hear me rant! And then I will be done with it!
I was just thinking back to how it all started and if given a choice, I swear I would do the “chicken dance to you all over again”. Beats logic right? I was looking back at pictures on FB, on my laptop and in every pic, I looked so happy, smiling and contented. It was simple pleasures you gave me, yet you always managed to put a smile on my face! You always cracked me up and I had some of the best times with you and no matter how this thing ended, I definitely would want to do that again.
Here’s to US :)))
Starting with the chicken dance, our zillion road trips across the country, Sodexho days, our amazing friends who made life even more beautiful for us, me shopping endlessly at Bath & Body Works, you rolling your eyes at me to get out asap, BIG BEAR HUGS, throwing snow on each other, long drives in the Nissan and the Galant, pigging out at Ziggies at 3 am, driving through McD’s early morning, Cold Stone ice cream on a cold KC winter night, scary movies, life in MSU as students, graduation day, both of us jumping for joy when you got your big break at STL, the Haseltines, Olive, Gunner, Marley, Chloey, dancing at Zan for Jay Sean(even though you sucked! ok ok, I know you tried for my sake and that was super cute!), sushi in STL, walking in the Plaza at night, and then me holding onto you so tight the day I left coz I wasn’t sure what would happen....... This is for you.... It’s over, I promise. I will heal.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
- Courtsey "Evanescence – My Immortal"
I’ve never felt so lonely, afraid, unwanted, nervous, anxious, bitter, confused, torn before. It definitely doesn't help that I'm PMS'ing!! My emotions are all haywire. Could you love/hate someone so strongly at the same time? :(